مرداد ۲۰، ۱۳۹۳

You learn to live without

Idina Menzel

You learn to take your coffee black
You learn to drink your whiskey neat
You learn to take your shower cold
And sleep on tired feet

You learn to order dinner in
You learn to send the laundry out
You learn to amuse yourself
You learn to live without

You tell yourself you’re rich at last, in money and in time
You draw a bath and then unplug the phone
You pour yourself a Pinot Clos Du Val 2003
You sit a spell a queen upon her throne
You go to bed alone

You learn to fall asleep alone
You learn to silence ticking clocks
You learn to turn the shades at night
And double check the locks

You learn to speak so calmly when
Your heart would like to scream and shout
You learn to smile and breathe and smile
You learn to live without

You find the coat and tie you thought you’d given to Goodwill
You stumble along a long lost set of chess
You see him there in corners and in closets and on shelves
And truth be told you’d like to see him less

You stumble through the morning but you waken for the day
You tell yourself that all is going well
But now and then a sense of loss just slams you in the chest
You know that no one else can really tell
You make it all seem swell

You learn to count the quiet winds
An hour with no unprompted tears
And not to count the deadly days
As they fade into years

You learn to stand alone at last
So brave and bold and strong and stout
You learn to somehow like the dark
You even love the doubt


You learn to hold your life inside you
And never let it out
You learn to live and live and die and live
You learn to live without



You learn to live without
You learn to live without

مرداد ۱۴، ۱۳۹۳

My heart feels so heavy and I don’t know how to carry it

خواب دیدم آمد و دعوای بدی کردیم. هی از خواب پریدم و دوباره خوابیدم و باز دعوا کردیم. داد و فریاد که تمام شد، بالش برداشت و دراز کشید و گفت خسته شده و می‌خواهد بخوابد. به‌ش گفتم حق ندارد توی خانه‌ی من بخوابد، که بعد از همه‌ی این حرف‌ها حق ندارد سرش را روی بالش من بگذارد. گفت بروم یعنی؟ گفتم برو.

شب بعد، توی بیداری، دیدمش. عروسی ماهان بود. سرسری سلام کردم و گذشتم. بعدتر، آمد دستم را کشید و گفت برویم برقصیم. نمی‌خواستم. نرفتم. دلم رنجیده بود. گیرم که توی خواب، اما رنجیده بود.